HOROSCOPES because sometimes crystal balls are just not enough.

Have a sandwich. You'll feel better.

ALSO, the deck I’m using today is The Dark Wood Tarot by Sasha Graham.

ARIES

For Ernest Bourgnine’s sake, please please please step up and be the brilliant leader you know you are. Be the grown up you know you are but bow out of because that teenage energy is so fun and rambunctious. You have an ultra cool, incredibly smart, beast of an adult inside you. Be brave in the face of an easy out. This is the time to make the difference and impress everybody. Be decisive.

Your card: Three of Pentacles reversed

TAURUS

You know what I love about you Tauruses? God you’re bitchy. You get so damn bitchy it beats out a lot of other signs. All of them actually. We need your bitchy, petty side to get through the mayhem of now. Be demanding——-just one caveat: this bitchfest should not be sponsored by your own issues. Be that bitch for bigger issues. Defend people with it. Call it out. Call yourself out. Be Petty LaBelle for the greater good. Put aside your personal discomforts for your therapist.

Your card: The Emperor

GEMINI

It’s funny, there’s a lightness or more so a levity to you in the read that I’ve seen growing and growing over the last month (astrologers please comment on this). You could replace Pisces as the manic pixie dream girl of the zodiac if not just for this elevated moment. Twin-O-Matic, I’d gamble on you this week. Why? Because you come into your own right now. This week you have visuals that see a full 360. Logic, grace and smarts all come into play.

Your card: Three of Wands

CANCER

I’m going to come right out with it: it’s time for you to come face to face with your health. Not that I see anything wrong but it’s the time to deal with your gene pool and look into best practices. If there’s something that’s been gnawing at you, just deal with it. See the right professional or change professionals or take the meds or whatever you need to do. We need you here. Also, if you act on this you’ll feel better fast. So there.

Your card: Hanged Man reversed

LEO

Sometimes it’s not the easiest to read you people (I have a Leo sun so I’m guilty of this as well). Your show biz, starlight energy is VERY distracting and you use your super generator to help blind all of us. Take note that it’s the week of inner note taking. What has been bothering you that you’ve been glossing over? Sometimes your shine also blinds you as well and this is the week for an inner wellness check. Let’s just say if you don’t give yourself over to a journal entry soon, next week everyone in your life has the capacity to get VERY ANNOYING. We don’t want that roar to force people away. Be kind with yourself now.

Your card(s): two fell out when shuffling: Kind of Swords and The Chariot

VIRGO

Hey, you! You can’t control everything. You can’t. Stop arguing with me. BUT you can be a little more organized and I know you might love that right now. Here’s the catch: Try as hard as you can to not try as hard as you can. Organize differently. Only do it until you’re tire and not until you’re done. Forget the list or just put everything where you can see it and walk away. Try to put the word “lite” at the end of everything. Organized “lite”. Anal “lite”. Controling “lite”. You get my drift.

Your card: Four of Wands reversed

LIBRA

You better be on top of all business dealings this week because 10 out of 10 chances are that you will not be happy with those around you and how they deal with it. And you will be right about all of this. Don’t fear business stuff if this turns your stomach. It’s just people being people. Forget the numbers and deal with logic. The numbers can lie, I don’t care what the math types say. We’re seeing proof of that. You happen to be great with people. Do your thing.

Your card(s): crazy amount of cards fell out: Eight of Pentacles, Strength and The Empress.

SCORPIO

I know you love the veil of mystery but truly, Scorp, you get your day in the sun A LOT. Largely because humans love a leather jacket with a romantic note in the pocket. This advantage is something to be shared. Give some of your privilege this week. Hook someone up with a connection or opportunity. Tell them about an event that could really benefit them. Offer a lift and a pep talk to an audition. Buy them a meal…a fun one. Spread the kind of wealth people actually need.

Your card: Ten of Pentacles reversed

Kandinsky’s “Around The Circle” 1940. I know I’ll get sh*t for this but it’s totally takes from Hilma Af Klint.

SAGITTARIUS

I have a very poorly supported belief that Sagittarius’ are particularly good at their own healing. They take stock of things like no one else AND IF they’re remotely tuned into themselves at all, they can tackle the inner workings of being a human in ways we don’t know. So Sag, it’s time to take some stock and then celebrate. There are some real inner hurdles you’ve overcome and you can stop now to let them heal and YOU MA’AM (I’m talking to all genders), COULD USE A NAP. Stop digging for more inner goo. You got it all.

Your card: Two of Cups

CAPRICORN

I’m going to say something and I mean it in the best way. I really do. You guys are the best bullshit artists. Truly. You have to navigate in ways that FEEL LIKE LIES TO THE REST OF US but actually are real. It’s not that you’re lying, it’s that you have a mastery of bending energy and understanding the stars and where it can get you. This week, use this and all your fancy moves to get what you want. You have an opening to make sure you don’t lose things like jobs, money, opportunities. Go to the mat for your resources with what you got.

Your card: The Magician (I kid you not)

AQUARIUS

I love this look for you. Aliens are quite en vogue now. So au currant. It’s where you shine. Your weirdness and otherness is working for you. Things work out more on your own terms. It’s almost like someone is finally speaking your language. It’s exciting. Just make sure you don’t manage to “not see” the problems that still need to be worked on or just plain fixed.

Your card: The High Priestess reversed

PISCES

Dude. Dudette. Dudx. You are the master of strategy this week. oooh-wee! It’s kind of wild. If you wake up feeling like you’re in the middle of a psychological video game with your senses on high, it would not surprise me. Use it to negotiate the lease or even better, finally talk about your feelings that are dark and nasty. You’ll see your emotional intelligence better right now and find yourself better at tender negotiations.

Your card: Knight of Cups

Thank you for coming to my astrological TEDTalk. See you next week!

xo HC