Horoscopes that I channel

that piss off my astrologer friends---but they love me anyway.

Aries

It’s always darkest before dawn. Easy to say when you’re not going through the dark knight of the soul. You usual love of chaos and disco lights may feel quite far away this week. If you’re in a relationship, there’s some chance of some old stuff coming up. This week is about HASHING IT OUT. How dramatic you want that to be is up to you but I don’t recommend it. Be soft. Your usual love of high action will react poorly on your body. Also, in the same vein, no online shopping. You could walk away with an unwanted Lamborghini. On a good note, it’s the kind of energy that brings an old acquaintance back in to your orbit to remind you of big love.

Taurus

If there was a time for you to take a leap of faith, this week would be it. Act like an adolescent on your first espresso. Self indulgence and the thrill of freedom (or self indulgence as freedom) is right around the corner. It’s an excellent time to start all planning: vacations you’ve dreamed of your whole life, the thing you always saw yourself doing but never told anyone, the big proposal. There is an interesting energetic opening for you this week that needs your wants as the match that burns down the old things holding you back.

Gemini

AH-HA! Gosh I love when this happens: when my visual images align with your sun sign and all is well in the world. Well, my world but whatevs. This week, sweet Twins, says: Balance within duality. Hone what is yours, what you’re best at. Use what you know you rock in ways you usually wouldn’t. When do you usually keep your superpowers at bay? That would be the time to use it. I know you live by your own rules but we all are victims of cultural rules and this week there is a glorious crack in that veneer.

Cancer

Careful. CARE. FULL. This week could be a little tricky. A bit too much sense of self importance. Of course, it also reads that you could be around some very low vibrational people that would help feel this self-indulgent view of yourself but that is not the way to handle this week. All these things could easily trigger a distrust in your inner voice so you could enjoy compliments a bit too much. Brush your teeth, wash your face, breathe alone in a room: recenter yourself. You are, in fact, fabulous—-you just have to remember you are human.

(I went to an occult and ritual retreat in Italy last week and it rained every day. As I drove away to go home, the sun came out and gave me this rainbow. Timing is everything and this retreat put me on another planet. Someday I’ll write all about it.)

Leo

Hey Lion, make room for the gray areas this week. I know you love the dramatic: all black, all white, sequins and confetti but this week take time to understand the undecided, the soft white underbelly of indecision. Pause before the judging yourself. Upside: upon making choices, there is an enormous space for evolution. This is your chance to find more opportunities.

Virgo

You’re known for your diligence. Let yourself be lost in doing the right work for you. It doesn’t have to be your career. It can be your knitting or your model trains or your house flipping. Just let that random part of your brain that needs to detach go off into the orbit of nothingness. Why? Because you need to put some energy into new, unseen creative inspiration. This prepares you for the opportunities of next month.

Libra

Talk about bearing fruits. Libra, this is a key time to see what you can indulge in that brings you connections. The business kind. It’s a time of schmoozing, deal making and hook ups. Who can get you into the gig? Hell, who can get you the gig? This is the kind of energy in which you see the path to the big job, the big pay off, the big money.

Scorpio

This is the energy of vampires, Scorpio AND IT’S AMAZING. Vampires are gutsy and sexy and everything you want to be. It’s the kind of energy where you won’t second guess yourself ever….like when it’s time to stake you claim or throw yourself into something you never had the energy/chutzpah to do. Keep away, though, from psychic vampires. You’re not quite as immune as you think you are so keep yourself guarded but open to possibility.

Sagittarius

I know the seasons are changing and some of us are getting chilly but try not to snooze right now, Sag. Low energy is swirling around us but you can still keep your glasses on. Results from all your work are showing themselves. Take this cozy time and reassess. It’s a good time to both admire and see clearly where you need to grow.

Capricorn

As you are the worker of the zodiac, you are also sharp enough to understand the finesse of conflict and lively debate. This week reminds you of this talent of yours with the awareness that not everyone can keep up with you. It’s a week of leadership and being democratic even when everyone seems lazy around you. Be the people’s hero to solve this situation. Give them a day off and pay for the pizza.

Aquarius

Hey hey hey, it’s the season of the wake up call! Yup. Awareness and perhaps the chance that nothing will be the same. That’s okay. That happens every day. You may be the most alien of the zodiac but you can be control freaks so try to release your attachment to whatever outcome happens. All this, at the same time, releases A LOT OF JOY. See? It already looks better.

Pisces

Stop resisting your true nature! You’re awesome and now you’re wasting time on trying to be what other people want. Oh yawn. This week can give you freedom from yourself, Magic in your grace and a sense of what you are meant to be. Sound too good to be true? Well, you have to believe in your own magic first….so I wish you the best.

Thanks for coming to my astrological TedTalk and I’ll see you next week!