On the social media platforms I post horoscopes that I channel because I am no Astrologer....but boy can I channel.

I love me some astrology but hey, know thyself. Here are this week's horoscopes.

Aries:

Under this energy I love it when you do things like buy flowers, pick up the bill, open doors for anybody or everybody. Remember this week in particular friendship is like a romance it needs to be fostered and needs to be taken care of needs to be paid attention to.

Taurus:

I know how you feel. People are going to be getting on your last nerve and I’m with you on this one. I feel coming on so sit back and change plans. Do not sit in the same room with those that annoys you.

Gemini:
It is one of those weeks. Magnetism 101 for you. People are gonna be wanting to hang out with you. You’re gonna be feeling really great. Business is gonna get a little bit hyped up which gets a little bit crazy with the energy of money and that’s OK. Let it go. Next week gets a little bit more mellow, but you won’t necessarily see the gifts that come from the magnetism. Next week is the big payoff.

Cancer:

So, Fabulous, this week— I mean this is like THE week. What does this mean? Well, big fun things can happen but also this is the kind of week where not great things happen that lead to things getting better. A break up wouldn’t surprise me. A change in your decision on how to structure your home life wouldn’t surprise me, leaving a job to create something better wouldn’t surprise me. By the way not all break ups are bad. Don’t forget that and not all break ups are romantic. Don’t forget that so this is the first gage of everything changing

Leo:
Be fastidious with money. Make sure you know everything.Even if you’re one of those people like “I can’t even look at money. I have it, I spend it, it keeps coming. I’m lucky” or “I always get nerves from it. I always get anxiety from it.” This is the week I want you to sit down and pay attention to it because there are opportunities there that even even if you know nothing about the financial world, you will see it. You have the special money eyes this week whatever the hell that means.

Virgo:

Take care of yourself. Last month probably didn’t really feel great physically but this is really the time for you to sort of pay attention. Not a regimen because I don’t wanna go with that but really just pay attention to your body. Listen to what it says.. Eat something good enjoy what you’re doing with your body. Sit on the idea at least of health.

Libra:

Deep cleaning my dear. Deep cleaning with be it your hair, your wallet, your garage, your friends, your family. It’s time to do spring cleaning that you may have wanted to do a week ago or a month ago and now it’s time to do it get out there and get rid of stuff things that are not meant for you. Lighten it up.

Scorpio:

Knees and elbows! Coming in with the medical intuitive right here. Knees and elbows. Be careful of anything with joints. Why? Because a lot of the holding of grief is going on and it does tend to sit in our lungs for you guys because you’re deep mysterious and you hold things so close it’s knees and elbows. What’s the big deal knees and elbows? We don’t really talk about them unless for aging but knees and elbows are always moving. We always need them so do pay attention and for those of you who tend towards this genetic disposition, it could be in the hands so start paying attention to soaking, start paying attention to anything anti-inflammatory.

Sagittarius:

(in the videos I always say “Sagittarius” sing-songy. The word really lends itself to that)
Oh my God, you guys. The mood swings. And I feel for you because there’s a very intense keen self awareness this week and you sort of see your own mood. Don’t even know what to do with them and sometimes you’ll hold them. Sometimes you’ll shower people with them. Good or bad you may feel like you’re being a little too big, you’re taking up a little too much room. Well it’s OK to take a little bit too much room if it’s something you don’t tend to do. Watch where you’re emotionally man spreading.

Capricorn:

I saw a meme the other day and this is what it says: Some women say that after a certain age you shouldn’t wear after a certain age a crown of femurs made from her vanquished enemies but really a woman should wear anything that makes her feel confident. Thats you! wear the thing of vanquished enemies, make a crown out of it.

Aquarius:

Invest invest invest invest invest invest invest. Invest in personal things. Do not invest in the greater public. Invest in things that move you emotionally that you know you can get stuff back.

Pisces:

Pisces, this is a time of a lot of energy. You, my sensitive creatures, had a minute to get used to spring. Now you can be excited about spring after a really weird winter —every winter weird little dark. We all were really excited to get back to it, but things are springing up, literally out of the earth and out of your body —NOW this week I feel like you’re really in your groove. It’s a start of summer. It’s all good things if something comes to mind and this really is for everybody, but if something comes to mind, there is a reason make the thing, be creative. Get it going. Start the project.

Thank you for coming to my astrological TedTalk. I’ll see you next week!